Book Recommendation: The Seven Secrets to Healthy, Happy Relationships by Don Miguel Ruiz, Jr. And Heatherash Amara
“Unconditional love is the key ingredient of healthy and happy relationships.”
“The real secret behind commitment in relationships is that it all starts with a commitment to your self. This is foundational because if we don’t honor who we are, it is impossible for us to truly honor another.”
“Committing to yourself begins with dropping the ideas that you must change in order to be loved by someone else and that you need someone else to be complete. Anytime you are seeking to complete yourself through being accepted by another, you are actually leaving yourself.”
How We Can Relate:
These quotes from the book teach us three valuable lessons in our relationships. The first one speaks about unconditional love. The second one teaches us the value of self-respect. And the third one reveals the importance of self-acceptance.
Healthy relationships are characterized by unconditional love. This means; to love without condition and reservation. It means loving and being loved in spite of the existing flaws, incompatibilities, shortcomings and mutual differences and not merely because of each other’s positive attributes.
“Loving unconditionally” means seeing beyond the negative side and choosing to appreciate everything else that’s good about the person. That is clearly what defines immature love from a mature one. Immature love says; “I love you because …” while mature love says; “I love you in spite of …”
Whatever kind of relationship you’re in, it’s important to never lose your self-respect. This is an important element of every healthy relationship. Self-respect means having the freedom to preserve your self-worth and to honor your own identity even as you pursue a relationship with another person.
It means that you have a stand in your relationship and that you’re able to grow and mature as an individual. The book also implies that we cannot honor another person if we are unable to honor who we are first.
Healthy relationships are based on acceptance. You have to learn how to accept yourself so you can accept the person you love wholeheartedly. You don’t have to change who you are in order to feel accepted and loved because you are enough as it is.
If you’re forcing yourself or your partner to change in an attempt to reach a certain level of comfort, you are actually creating a breeding ground for a toxic relationship.
Keep in mind that mutual love is all about accepting each other’s imperfections and finding a way to become better and more loving individuals, and the first step towards that is learning how to accept who you are.